Why must the best “self sufficient” day end like this? Why does it feel like everything is falling down around me again. Why do I hate myself right now? I got loads done today it doesn’t even make sense. I don’t even know
I just love this picture of us so much
today my friend said that he was going to do an impersonation of a gay man and i got ready for some homophobic high pitched comment about clothes but instead he just said in the exact same tone without expression “i am attracted to men”
I hate myself.
Even in a world where people purposely kill, injure and hurt each other, I hate myself.
I know I’m better than these people, but I don’t feel it. I feel like I’m the scum of the earth, that I have no purpose, that everyone is better than me and there’s nothing I can do to better myself. I hate myself, I don’t want to be alive anymore. I don’t want to be here. I’m useless, why should I be here?
I can’t even help my girlfriend, the person that means the most to me. If anything I make everything worse for her. What kind of person does that? Even if I don’t mean it I do
At least 3 times every week I want to hurt myself.
I lie awake for hours wanting to hit, cut and bruise myself. To hurt myself in any form possible.
But I don’t.
I don’t because I will never forget the day I found cuts on my girlfriend’s stomach. I will never forget how finding them made me feel sick to the bottom of my stomach.
How knowing that she had felt this way and hadn’t felt like she could talk to me, that she was alone, that this was the only option she felt she had hit me like I had drove at full speed into a brick wall.
That’s why I don’t, because as much as I hate myself, I could never hurt her by hurting me.